A Correspondence No. 7

10/12/07
Mr. Edward Spencer: Greetings.

I feel compelled to inform you that while your scurrilous accusations may intimidate and sadden my client, they do not intimidate me. You must be aware that my client only returned to Nanjing, and hence to her computer and internet connection, on the afternoon of the 10th.
It was therefore impossible for her to communicate with your client before that time. She was busy being marched through the cities of Shanghai and Beijing by a tireless and exceedingly cruel German. If your client mistakenly believed that my client would be able to maintain communications throughout this inhumane treatment, she is completely wrong. Between tramping through temples and historic sites, arguing with shop keepers and cabbies, eating too many pastries and not enough street food, being compelled to visit German Pubs in the Chinese capital (to be force-fed schnitzel and cabbage), and directing a exhausting campaign of museum tours, my client was then disinclined to further search out scarce internet cafes.

My client expresses sympathy about your client's trying ordeal with above mentioned Crazy Mother (CM). But she would like to add that the CM deliberately chooses to burden your client with her craziness for reasons unrelated to my client. It is unfortunate, but my client is unable to think of a way to compel CM to more evenly distribute the craziness among them. She further states: "she would if she could, but she can't, so she won't".

This communication also serves to inform your client that she is now ineligible for reinstatement to the post of Older Sister, effective now. My client and I will be posting an advertisment for the opening immediately in all of the major world newspapers, including the New York Times, The Times of London, and the International Herald Tribune. Due to your clients pig-headed lack of empathy regarding the extenuating circumstances my client found herself in, my client and I now believe that your client is unfit for the position. If however, your client would like to prove that her Older-Sisterly capabilities remain unimpaired, she is welcome to send all conciliatory packages to the address that your client undoubtedly has on record.

Sincerely,

Sir Bynum