Today I Turn 30

When you are 14, 30 seems so far away. You have such big ideas for your life and who you will be at that point. I figured I would be married (and super succesful, of course). At 28 actually, that way I would have two years of marriage and have my kids starting at 30. I had everything planned out.


When I was 22, I had a full set of silverware. And a complete kitchen set up, nice pots and pans and everything. This morning I mangled one of my 3 (total) spoons in the garbage disposal. Witness the pathetic evidence above. Now, I could use this as a metaphor on how life never turns out how you would like. But I'm not going to do that. Because that would be depressing, and not at all how I view things.


When you are a teenager, and share a room with another teenager, it is impossible to like that other teenager. But when you get older those things fade into the distance. And if you are lucky, you find a friend. A best friend.




The friendships formed in the crucible of middle school are not often lasting. But if they do last, you are given the gift of someone who knows you like no one else can. This person was a witness to your transformation into an adult, and you are the witness for their life. This person has seen your heartaches from the inside.


They love you, even through your difficult and unhappy early 20s.

You can spend all day with this person and not speak a word (although, that would be a little weird). You have stories and a shared history that create a sense of foundation. If everything goes wrong in your life, you will know that this person still thinks you are the greatest thing since stinky cheese.



When Gunter was a puppy, he chewed up my glasses. When I came back into the room and saw the destruction that he had wrought, I wasn't angry, not even for a second. Because I loved him, and realized that he didn't know what he was doing. Having Gunter made me more forgiving. Being responsible for another life, even one so small and silly as a pug, helped me to grow up. I could stay out late and party, but if I did that I couldn't remain the person I wanted to be in my eyes and in the eyes of my dog. If I neglected him, I would be the type of person that neglects a small helpless creature, a creature that depended on me for everything in his life. It was easier than I thought to be a good person. (It's harder with the second pug for some reason, perhaps I am meant to only have one child.....?)


If you aren't lucky enough to find the love of your life in grade school, we all know that it can be years adrift on a "sea of heart break" (to quote Johnny Cash....lost love and loneliness....sea of tears...). You can spend all of your twenties, breaking your heart over and over again. I suppose you can spend your whole life that way. But with each bruising, I think that we get smarter. That we refine what we want in another person. And we definitely become less tolerant of bullsh*t. I thought about posting multiple pictures of the different people I broke my heart over. But when I uploaded them, I realized that it made me look like a tramp. So I decided to post a picture of just one...as of yet, heart still unbroken.


My life is nothing like what I had imagined it would be ten years ago. And I'm glad. I think the person that I wanted myself to be would be an unhappy, snotty person. Somehow, the strange twists and turns and hard knocks of the the last ten years have saved me from myself. Funny how that happens.