10/11/07
Dear Mr. Bynum,
While your client's assertions that merely habitating in an Asian backwater may sway my client's sensibilities, they do not affect mine. My client has been under quite unusual stress this past fortnight, worrying about the safety of her sister. Please be reminded that the last communication between them was executed in such a way as to persuade my client that her sister was going to be back in communication after 7 days. This was either not the case, or the
sister's grueling and onerous social life must have kept her from immediately contacting my client upon her return.
Regardless of the paltry excuses offered by your client, the resignation will stand until such time as my client receives the aforementioned endowment. On a personal note, I would like you to remind your client that the reason the two women entered into a delicate contract such as this one was to allay such items as these "lonely" and "forlorn" experiences.
Be that as it may, my client would like to pass a message on to your client. The message is this: their shared mother is crazy and will be contacting your client regarding sustenance for a one Mr. Johannes. It is recommended that your client not "take the bait" as it were when prodded by the maternal figure (as will inevitably occur). Additionally, the craziness is such that it should have been shared, as in this manner is has reduced potency and makes the likelihood of infection substantially remote.
Please feel free to contact me regarding any further questions. Until then, I remain yours in the barrister brotherhood,
Mr. Ed Spencer, LLC, esq., II, Jr., BA, MBA, MSBS, PA, MPH, QWERTY
Showing posts with label correspondence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label correspondence. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
A Correspondence No. 5
Dear Mrs. PPP1,
Upon being made aware of the threatening mail sent via your private barrister to my now distraught client, I have taken it upon myself to clear up any misunderstandings that might have occurred in the previous two weeks.
My client has been traveling in a barbaric country for the past week, the fact of which you had been previously notified. This epic adventure required the endurance of many hardships, not least of which was lack of access to the internet. Upon returning to her home in the backwards and provincial town of Nanjing, lonely and forlorn, she found her inbox flooded with unanswered correspondence in excess of 35 missives, including the notification from your attorney of your thoughtless and cruel resignation. It is indeed unfortunate that you would take such a hasty and ill advised action without full understanding of the particulars of the situation. Under these regretful circumstances my client has instructed me to inform you that she will consider your reinstatement to your previous Older Sister position after a suitable period, during which it will be required that you renew your Older Sisterly Qualifications and licensure, which have lapsed during this interlude.
Sincerely,
Sir Paul F. Bynum esq., BL, MFA, pHD.
(of Fickle, Fickle, and Bynum Barristers at Law)
Upon being made aware of the threatening mail sent via your private barrister to my now distraught client, I have taken it upon myself to clear up any misunderstandings that might have occurred in the previous two weeks.
My client has been traveling in a barbaric country for the past week, the fact of which you had been previously notified. This epic adventure required the endurance of many hardships, not least of which was lack of access to the internet. Upon returning to her home in the backwards and provincial town of Nanjing, lonely and forlorn, she found her inbox flooded with unanswered correspondence in excess of 35 missives, including the notification from your attorney of your thoughtless and cruel resignation. It is indeed unfortunate that you would take such a hasty and ill advised action without full understanding of the particulars of the situation. Under these regretful circumstances my client has instructed me to inform you that she will consider your reinstatement to your previous Older Sister position after a suitable period, during which it will be required that you renew your Older Sisterly Qualifications and licensure, which have lapsed during this interlude.
Sincerely,
Sir Paul F. Bynum esq., BL, MFA, pHD.
(of Fickle, Fickle, and Bynum Barristers at Law)
Friday, January 23, 2009
Correspondence No. 4
10/9/07
Ms PPP2,
This letter is to inform you that our client, a one Ms. Jonna deWaal,
has resigned as your sister, effective immediately. Please be assured
that all proper channels were utilized in the pursuit of this
endeavor, and that any protestations or grievances you may have to
declare can be addressed in person at our office located at 4607
Namby Pamby Street, Las Vegas, NV, 89129. Alternatively, you can
send a detailed letter, outlining the explanation for the deviation
and inconsistency in your behavior as our client's sister. Included
in this letter should be one set of nice stationary, a yard of super
fun fabric, and whatever else you think may help your case, although
you are advised to retain legal counsel immediately.
Sincerely,
Mr. Ed Spencer, LLC, esq., II, Jr., BA, MBA
Ms PPP2,
This letter is to inform you that our client, a one Ms. Jonna deWaal,
has resigned as your sister, effective immediately. Please be assured
that all proper channels were utilized in the pursuit of this
endeavor, and that any protestations or grievances you may have to
declare can be addressed in person at our office located at 4607
Namby Pamby Street, Las Vegas, NV, 89129. Alternatively, you can
send a detailed letter, outlining the explanation for the deviation
and inconsistency in your behavior as our client's sister. Included
in this letter should be one set of nice stationary, a yard of super
fun fabric, and whatever else you think may help your case, although
you are advised to retain legal counsel immediately.
Sincerely,
Mr. Ed Spencer, LLC, esq., II, Jr., BA, MBA
Monday, January 19, 2009
A Correspondence part deux
Ms. P.P. the Second, WYS
c.c. DSC International
c/o Certified Chaperonage, Inc.
Dear Ms. P.P.P II,
In response to your recent missive:
Although these claims appear, on the surface, to contain a certain amount of legitimacy, we at Wilamina, Elpinger, and Worcast, Legalities For the Under-represented (WEWLFU) feel the DSC (Department of Sisterly Conduct) should be made aware of the true nature of the charges made by the plaintiff ( hereafter referred to as WYS-Willful Younger Sister). Additionally, caution is recommended on the part of DSC to set a precedent for use of terms such as "malicious" and "gross negligence". It is the assertion of the defendant, PPP1, ROS (Responsible Older Sister) to WYS, that the allegations made by WYS have been grossly exaggerated and, as will be proven in the following paragraph, were totally unavoidable.
The representatives for WYS should be aware of the following:
Article 1: WYS was duly advised and counseled on topics of her choosing, while she was living in the United States. Her departure to the far east, and lack of interest in scheduled open-mic sessions, left her vulnerable to the whims of her fancy.
Sub. a: PPP1/ROS would like to note that the actions of WYS were actually calculated to leave her with the responsibility for Crazy Mother and will be filing a counter suit for abandonment shortly.
Article 2: ROS maintains that due to the extreme willfulness on the part of WYS, all past efforts have been proven to be entirely in vain (see past correspondence documents August, 2004 through May 2007) and that she should be exempt from all further responsibility, as well as further legal action, ad sic.
It should be noted, that while responsibility for basic happiness can fall under the terms of the ROS roles and duties, the "horse can only be led to the water", as the saying goes. Be advised that current boyfriend has overtaken that role and, as proof, we contend that our client's good-will has been stretched by her acquiescence to forsake vising rights, due her as ROS of WYS in far-far-away-land.
In light of these findings, it is recommended that the plaintiff be advised accordingly. This letter will address the allegations of gross sisterly neglect and will act as a legal document if trial cannot be avoided.
Sincerely,
WEWLFU
legal counsel for P.P.P I
c.c. DSC International
c/o Certified Chaperonage, Inc.
Dear Ms. P.P.P II,
In response to your recent missive:
Although these claims appear, on the surface, to contain a certain amount of legitimacy, we at Wilamina, Elpinger, and Worcast, Legalities For the Under-represented (WEWLFU) feel the DSC (Department of Sisterly Conduct) should be made aware of the true nature of the charges made by the plaintiff ( hereafter referred to as WYS-Willful Younger Sister). Additionally, caution is recommended on the part of DSC to set a precedent for use of terms such as "malicious" and "gross negligence". It is the assertion of the defendant, PPP1, ROS (Responsible Older Sister) to WYS, that the allegations made by WYS have been grossly exaggerated and, as will be proven in the following paragraph, were totally unavoidable.
The representatives for WYS should be aware of the following:
Article 1: WYS was duly advised and counseled on topics of her choosing, while she was living in the United States. Her departure to the far east, and lack of interest in scheduled open-mic sessions, left her vulnerable to the whims of her fancy.
Sub. a: PPP1/ROS would like to note that the actions of WYS were actually calculated to leave her with the responsibility for Crazy Mother and will be filing a counter suit for abandonment shortly.
Article 2: ROS maintains that due to the extreme willfulness on the part of WYS, all past efforts have been proven to be entirely in vain (see past correspondence documents August, 2004 through May 2007) and that she should be exempt from all further responsibility, as well as further legal action, ad sic.
It should be noted, that while responsibility for basic happiness can fall under the terms of the ROS roles and duties, the "horse can only be led to the water", as the saying goes. Be advised that current boyfriend has overtaken that role and, as proof, we contend that our client's good-will has been stretched by her acquiescence to forsake vising rights, due her as ROS of WYS in far-far-away-land.
In light of these findings, it is recommended that the plaintiff be advised accordingly. This letter will address the allegations of gross sisterly neglect and will act as a legal document if trial cannot be avoided.
Sincerely,
WEWLFU
legal counsel for P.P.P I
Sunday, January 18, 2009
A Correspondence (part 1)
Dearest P. P. Princess I,
The purpose of this letter is to apprise you of the charges that have recently been leveled against you. A one P. P. Princess II, of Nan Xiu Cun Lane, Nanjing, China has filed claims against you with the Department of Sisterly Conduct. These claims include gross negligence and deliberate and malicious neglect. P. P. Princess II, hereafter known as PPP2 in these documents, maintains that due to your negligence in your role as Responsible Older Sister (hereafter refered to as ROS) she has suffered the indignities resulting from Making Bad Decisions. These Bad Decisions include, inter alia, a string of unsuitable boyfriends, along with one or two disastrous decisions that shall remain unenumerated. It is her contention that if you had been properly fulfilling your role as ROS she would not have suffered the shame and embarrassment that are concomitant with making poor boyfriend selections and excessive alcohol consumption at inappropriate times. It is also her claim that due to your calculated neglect, her life has been allowed to develop in a way that is starting to have a negative impact on her basic happiness. Her basic contention is that, without the ROS guidance that is her due as a certified Willful Younger Sister (WYS), she has ended up like a "ship without a rudder, left to flounder in an ocean of uncertainty" (her words). Therefore, you have been charged with breach of the Sisterly Contract you entered into on December 11th, 1979. The victim (PPP2) is seeking damages in the form of one time payment of African Loot (to include a wooden bangle and perhaps a pair of cute African jeans) and also hand written correspondence on the finest stationary available for a period of 10 months, to begin in September 2007. This correspondence should also include the occasional package containing chocolate, coffee, and, perhaps, undergarments. All previous correspondence cannot be counted towards fulfilling these court ordered awards, and are legally considered to be null and void. Please address any concerns you might have with the
DSC directly.
Sincerely,
The Lawyers of Fickle, Fickle, and Bynum
The purpose of this letter is to apprise you of the charges that have recently been leveled against you. A one P. P. Princess II, of Nan Xiu Cun Lane, Nanjing, China has filed claims against you with the Department of Sisterly Conduct. These claims include gross negligence and deliberate and malicious neglect. P. P. Princess II, hereafter known as PPP2 in these documents, maintains that due to your negligence in your role as Responsible Older Sister (hereafter refered to as ROS) she has suffered the indignities resulting from Making Bad Decisions. These Bad Decisions include, inter alia, a string of unsuitable boyfriends, along with one or two disastrous decisions that shall remain unenumerated. It is her contention that if you had been properly fulfilling your role as ROS she would not have suffered the shame and embarrassment that are concomitant with making poor boyfriend selections and excessive alcohol consumption at inappropriate times. It is also her claim that due to your calculated neglect, her life has been allowed to develop in a way that is starting to have a negative impact on her basic happiness. Her basic contention is that, without the ROS guidance that is her due as a certified Willful Younger Sister (WYS), she has ended up like a "ship without a rudder, left to flounder in an ocean of uncertainty" (her words). Therefore, you have been charged with breach of the Sisterly Contract you entered into on December 11th, 1979. The victim (PPP2) is seeking damages in the form of one time payment of African Loot (to include a wooden bangle and perhaps a pair of cute African jeans) and also hand written correspondence on the finest stationary available for a period of 10 months, to begin in September 2007. This correspondence should also include the occasional package containing chocolate, coffee, and, perhaps, undergarments. All previous correspondence cannot be counted towards fulfilling these court ordered awards, and are legally considered to be null and void. Please address any concerns you might have with the
DSC directly.
Sincerely,
The Lawyers of Fickle, Fickle, and Bynum
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